How I managed to find myself stuck in a corporate wheel I don’t know.
They tell you to climb the ladder and smile in meetings. Tone “it”, (being you), down so you don’t come across too much for the client. Always be agreeable, always be available. For a while I did just that. Yet, at some point, I found myself wondering; “Is this it?”
Sometimes I’ll even try to convince others, maybe even myself, that this is everything I ever dreamt of. Maybe it’s easier to believe that than to face the crushing weight of unmet desires. If I tell myself this is all there is, then if life doesn’t offer more, I’m protected from disappointment at least.
When I put my mind to something, I give it my all. Yet, I’m in a role where I’m not really heard. My efforts are seen but not valued. My workload is noticed but only with pity. People feel bad for me but no one seems interested in doing anything about it.
Even now, I feel the walls closing in. I start to notice other paths I could take. Yet, I hesitate. I feel guilty at the thought of moving forward. I don’t want to let anyone down or leave anyone else in difficulty.
What hurts the most though? No one else would hesitate to do what’s best for them.
So why is it that I still won’t choose myself?
Insights of A. Rose 